IMMORTALS [2011] movie review

January 20, 2012 · Print This Article

Not until about thirty seconds into the credits does the viewer realize the they just wasted nearly two hours of their life watching IMMORTALS. There is so much stylized fighting and high contrast scenery that one is fooled into thinking they are in fact watching a movie worth watching. Eventually, you realize that the story is incredibly generic, the screenplay could have been written in an hour and no character evokes any emotion.

The coolest part of IMMORTALS is the village seen in the beginning, which somehow is etched into a shear cliff wall of flat rock towering above the sea. It looks like a pretty spectacular place to live, though not a place for anyone with vertigo.

Theseus dwells there, a peasant to his people. He shows fighting skills, but yet is soon captured and for some reason spared (otherwise the movie would be over in fifteen minutes).

There is some super powerful bow used by the gods that is now lost which the evil King Hyperion really wants. There is an oracle who makes a few predictions of various usefulness.

Then there is a retreat behind a huge wall and a battle. Before the battle was by far the lamest rally speech I have ever heard in a movie. Theseus did not inspire me!

This movie is rated R, which means every time someone is killed, a splatter of blood is left in their place. I have a weakness for gore, but since this was all just CGI, it mostly looked like a fatality in Mortal Combat from 1997.

Somehow a possible sequel was hinted at. I will not watch it if there is one.

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