GODZILLA [2014] movie review

May 17, 2014 · Print This Article

What an absolute abomination, I just have to say that right away.  That is what this new American version GODZILLA [2014] movie is.  It is not just the worst Godzilla movie I have ever seen, it is possibly the worst ever movie of all time I have seen.  This so-called Godzilla movie is a fail on every single level from the perspective of being an actual Godzilla movie, and not even taking into consideration any past depiction of Godzilla in a movie, this itself as a movie is also a fail on every single level.  Toho please do not let anyone ever make another Godzilla movie!

Have I mentioned this GODZILLA 2014 is an absolute abomination?  It is.  I pretty much knew it would be, but I could not, not watch it being a life long Godzilla fan.  I had to at least hold out some hope.  Considering the final Toho made G-movie, FINAL WARS was an absolute abomination too, my 2+ years of revisiting all Godzilla movies in order has ended very, very poorly.

To state it plainly, GODZILLA 2014 is not a Godzilla movie, not at all.  Godzilla himself is more like a rumor, something only glimpsed at far, far in the background.  When the end credits rolled, I was still thinking, when am I going to see a Godzilla movie?

What this movie was, was 2 hours of military personal talking and moving very, very slowly from Japan to San Francisco.  Seriously, that is the entire movie!!  Just some military and a couple of scientists talking for 2 hours.  Then in the last ten minutes we are shown merely glimpses of Godzilla battling these two M.U.T.O. monsters whose design and look is stolen directly from last year’s PACIFIC RIM monster movie.  Godzilla himself was a horrible design.  His head had no shape to it, basically he looked like a blob.  Godzilla is not a character in the movie either, again just some background object.  Godzilla should be the MAIN character in a Godzilla movie and we should feel his personality and presence.

Instead the whole movie just follows this super boring American soldier going from San Fran, to Japan, right back to San Fran again.  I did not care about him at all.  Then there is the story, there is none.  When I mean there is no story, I mean there is NO story.  I have never seen a movie with less story than this.  It was 2-hours of absolutely no plot.  About a third of the way in, after just following around the boring solider guy in Japan, there is massive exposition told by an Navy commander to a scientist, all for no reason.  I was like, why in the world is he telling this guy the whole plan?  Oh, just so the viewer has a clue about the M.U.T.O. creatures and Godzilla too.  These creatures eat radiation apparently and somehow can emit an EMP blast.  Um, ok.

Finally, finally I am thinking, ok, there is going to at least be a badass battle in San Fran between Godzilla and the two other creatures.  Umm, no.  Basically every time you do get a glimpse of Godzilla, before he does something badass they cut away!  It was preposterous.  Show the whole battle, and show it from the monster’s perspective, not some obscured view from the ground!

No original Godzilla theme used at all i the movie, that alone would have made it a total fail, yet it is just one of a hundred fail points.  Godzilla is engaging these two creatures way too up close and getting beat up.  All I could think was light them up!  Does this version of Godzilla not have thermonuclear breath???  He does, fortunately, but again how it is implemented is not very Godzilla like.  Then how it is decisively used is one of the most vulgar things I have ever seen.  In case you were wondering, yes it is somehow possible for a creature as large as Godzilla is to sneak up on a guy on a boat and another monster all in water and be totally unnoticed.  Preposterous.

They could not even get the iconic Godzilla roar right.

Toho, please, please stop letting Hollywood play in the Godzilla world, and please put a man back in a suit again.  CGI looks so, so fake.  A man in a suit is properly fake, how it should be.

Gareth Edwards is a director I will avoid in the future.  His 2010 MONSTERS was another movie devoid of story and full of preposterous elements.  He should not have been let anywhere near Godzilla.

Even though I have completed all the Toho movies last month, I may need to go back and watch a classic Showa Series Godzilla movie to remove the horrible stain of GODZILLA 2014 (and FINAL WARS for that matter).

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