July 25, 2008
I have no concept of time. By that I mean that my mind does not easily accept the accepted ways of perceiving time. To start, let me list my difficulties with time:
- I always think people are the same age as when I first met them.
- Weeks feel like a constant stream of the exact same moment.
- I have very few memories of my childhood.
- Time can be quantified easier as one gets older.
- I want (or need) to be able to pause time, or step out of it to try and catch up.
In the following I will elaborate on the above points in order to try and express my distresses with time and not being able to stop it, how it is to feel it slip through mental fingers in my mind, and how it all feels like just one long moment, as Vonnegut described in Slaughterhouse-Five.
July 8, 2008
I was riding home with my mom when I first heard Nirvana. I have no idea how I was allowed to listen to the radio station of my choice that time. As I recall, it was usually her music. Yet this time I had it tuned to a rock radio station.
I heard this song come on. It transfixed me. I was more than mesmerized. We pulled into the driveway while it was still playing. I ran into my room, turned on the radio and called my best friend at the time, Rick (Ricardo). I told him to immediately turn on the radio and listen to this. He got his radio on in time for the last chorus. I had no idea at all what the singer was saying in the chorus, but I was totally gripped by it. I remember saying to Rick, “listen to what he’s saying in the chorus!”